Better today.

Good habits are harder to form than to execute I hope.

Last night I had a few nightmares. Lack of sleep makes the following day very surreal. I tried to work for nine hours before putting pen to paper.

When was the last time anyone got eight hours of sleep? I have to be in bed in seven minutes to get the right amount of sleep.

My life really isn't as bad as I make it seem. I have a job, I study, I have a girlfriend and great friends. I don't starve, I'm not homeless. I can't help but feel I've missed something though. I have no goals or ambitions. I am intelligent but have no skills. What I would love more than anything would be to contribute to society. Drive an ambulance, clean the streets, maintain hospitals, deliver mail, fix sewers, build bridges, anything. I wait tables and make drinks for the wealthiest people in London, probably some of the wealthiest in the world. They tip terribly.

Having no direction in your twenties is just about as trite as it gets of course, but I feel myself slipping behind the curve. Everyone I know is at least on the bottom rung of their career. It seems like bliss, no-one knows how high they'll climb but they do know where ever they go from here,  it has to at least be up.
I can't find my ladder, I don't even know where to start looking.

I watched a film recently about a man who spends his life waiting for a phone call that will tell him the meaning of his life. He never receives it, and when forced to confront the absurdity of lifting a meaningless existence waiting for meaning to present itself, is forced to retreat into an imaginary paradise.

Today is Thursday the 20th of march 2014, I will write again tomorrow.